I have passed the one week mark in my healing. I am off the walker today and now onto a cane. The body is an amazing thing. It really talks to you, and you should listen. I have not been in a car in a week and a half. Other than veering outside for a minute last Sunday, (it was so gorgeous outside!) I have not been out of the house. I start each day with the optimism that I will feel stronger and have less stiffness and pain. Each day that seems to be the case...EXCEPT, when I insist on standing too long or not resting. Today was one of those days. My god...sitting around being lazy is exhausting! It is really hard to just sit around with your legs up as I am supposed to. It is such a relief to be free of the walker and started I doing house projects today. We are going to replace a few cabinets, and I started getting in a nesting mode and going through stuff. This may not be the best time. Way too much time on my feet!
The interesting part to me is, what I am having the hardest time with is this unbelievable thigh pain. He must have ripped or torn some muscles in my quad to get my old hip out and my new one in. It just felt like one big bruise before. But as my hip feels more comfortable everyday, this torn muscle feeling gets worse. I am back to having a difficult time putting my pants on again, but not from lacking the range of motion in my hip, but because my leg won't bend due to this torn muscle in my quad. Can't wait to ask the doctor about it. I really just wish I could go to a few acupuncture appointments and I am sure it would be much better.
This is where I will go back to some thoughts I had on prescription drugs. Everyone tells you that you need to take pain meds or your body will not heal. I like to feel some discomfort so I do not push it and have an awareness about where I am at. But, I am not a martyr and take a few Vicadan (the weakest of the 3 pain pills from the hospital) and Celebrex.(I would not take this long term, but 10 days I can do. ( I asked for alleve, but it interfered with my blood thinning shots i gave myself.) Did I mention before I gave myself shots for a week. I never thought I could do it. Sean use to give horses this massive shots, but I could see in his face that he did not think he could do it to me. So Sean, I cowgirled up and did it myself.
Anyway, how unlike me...i digress.... I just wanted to comment on how I see how people can become prescription drug users. No one wants you to be in pain. I understand the compassion, but I also see how it goes too far. It is much easier to live your life on Vicadin if you are in pain. I guess some people prefer it to real life and stay on it. I like to get off as soon as I can, and I have to admit I am surprised I am still taking any, but this quad pain is flooring me. I just think that if you have any inclination to numb out, this is a great way to do it. When I went to a fancy West side doctor before my surgery, he literally would not let me leave without a pain med presciption. He did not even listen to the fact that I did not want one and managed my pain when my hip became very inflamed with Alleve. He asked me strong or weak, and he handed me a presciption for something I have never taken. I don't even know what that is, and I never filled it. But goodness, it is not exactly hard to get drugs to numb you out if you want them.
The other point to this story was when I went to a routine doctors appointment and thought I should check my hormones as I was tired, and more impatient than I thought was normal. He reminded me that I have 2 small children and a business to run and that is pretty normal, but he offered an ANTI-DEPRESSANT. Wow... Really??? I said," that's OK, I do yoga." He said that it was a great way to deal with all of that, and try to do more. But an anti depressant??? Do we wonder why people are over medicated? It is just shocking to me.
Last story, cause I know I am babbling....I was in therapy 10 years ago dealing with some relationship issues. (before I met my fabulous husband of course.) I told her I had a lot of energy and passion and had a hard time setting down some of that energy. She actually wanted to give me some sort of downer. I told her she was out of her mind. I want to feel all my feelings. Deal with all my feelings. Face all my feelings. Deal with whatever pain or difficulty there was. I just thought that was shocking. I am in a therapists office, dealing with my life, and she is suggesting numbing me out. To this day I don't understand.
I will conclude with this. I am not saying that I am better than anyone else and anything in life, but I deal with my shit head on. I am able to deal with situations that are difficult, and always after getting some distance and reflecting on how I could have handled a situation better or treating someone a different way that would have worked better or caused less pain. We can't grow if we numb out. Take medicine if you need it. I even think there are some situations where anti-depressants or any kind of prescription drug is necessary and helpful. I just think the western medical profession over does it. Big time. I am glad I have a very non-addictive personality (ok, cool it all you people who know I have a sugar problem) when it comes to drugs, and I believe in feeling a little discomfort, just to keep it real and feel connected to my body and its relationship to the world around me. That is just how I roll.....Looking forward to heading to work at the desk on Monday....real world here I come!
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